A List of Lists

I have been play fantasy sports for about 12 years now. When I casually mention this to someone who doesn't play fantasy sports, it generally invokes an eyeroll. Look, much like my choices with music and film, I can see how this particular form of entertainment and 'competition' does not appeal to a mass audience. I will just say this: if it weren't for a highly competitve baseball league that i have been a member of for 6 seasons, I would never have re-discovered my love for America's Pasttime (baseball). Also, I can think of a lot worse ways to spend $200 per year that have no chance of recovering that investment (or earning off of it in the inexplicable chance that actually win one of these years) in addition to keeping me out of trouble.

So anyhow, what does my obsession with fantasy baseball have to do with a list of lists? Nerd alert: this is simply a formula employed by Matthew Berry, an ESPN ‘personality’ who gives fantasy sports advice and someone I read often, and the concept belongs to him. It can be applied to nearly any topic that a list can be made of, and since everyone loves lists, why not?

Past fantasy sports team names (I have never won with any of these team names):
• Blondes Not Bombs (Flight of the Conchords reference)
• On a Boat (Lonely Island song)
• Legion of Poon (an homage to Jeff Carter and Mike Richards, formerly of the Flyers)
• 2 Championships, 1 Year (Steelers and Penguins, 2009)
• Smoak Monster (Lost and Seattle’s Justin Smoak)
• The Never Nudes (AD)
• Lord Calvert’s Army (the terrible Canadian whisky)

Last Bands/Singers/Rappers I listened to on my commute (and favorite song by them):
• The Black Keys (Dead and Gone)
• Eminem (We Made You and Just Lose It – Tie for 1st)
• Adele (Set Fire to the Rain)
• LMFAO (Sorry for Party Rocking - I never purposely put them on, but if it happens to come on, I don’t turn it)
• The Lonely Island (The Golden Rule)
• Flight of the Conchords (Business Time)
• Stephen Lynch (Priest and 3 Balloons – Tie for 1st)

Movies I hated that everyone else seems to love, or at least like:
• Anchorman (I have never made it start to finish)
• Sin City
• Super Troopers (I can understand how people could like it, it’s just not my bag)
• Black Swan (except for that one part)
• Transformers (the entire trilogy – CGI can only take you so far)
• Talladega Nights
• Glengarry Glen Ross

Movies that should not be remade in my lifetime:
• Back to the Future Part I
• Star Wars Episodes IV, V and VI
• The Godfather
• Titanic (it’s true, it’s a modern day classic and the top grossing movie of all time)
• American Psycho
• Goodfellas
• Caddyshack
• Animal House
• Fight Club

Short list of Modern Films that never should have been re-made:
• The Karate Kid (Ralph Macchio > Jayden Smith)
• Arthur (and I am a Russell Brand fan)
• Bad News Bears
• Brian’s Song (the original is criminally underrated)
• The Day the Earth Stood Still (Keanu, really?)
• Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?
• The Longest Yard
• Miracle of 34th Street
• Night of the Living Dead
• Planet of the Apes (“just because it’s obvious doesn’t mean it isn’t true”)
• Psycho (see: Planet of the Apes)

Movies that Al Pacino never should have come near:
• S1mone
• Gigli
• The Godfather Part III
• Dick Tracy
• Scorpion King 3: The Battle for Redemption (ok, he’s not actually in this one)

Top Guest Spots on Seinfeld:
• Soup Nazi/Yev Kasem (Larry Thomas)
• Dr. Tim Whatley (Bryan Cranston)
• Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller)
• J. Peterman (John O’Hurley)
• David Puddy (Patrick Watburton)
• Kenny Bania (Stevey Hynter)

Top Guest Spots on Arrested Development:
• Rita Leeds (Charlize Theron)
• Barry Zuckercorn (Henry Winkler)
• Lucille ‘2’ (Liza Minelli-the object of Buster’s affection)
• STEVE HOLT! (Justin Grant Wade)
• Bob Loblaw (no double talk, just Scott Baio)
• J. Walter Weatherman (Steve Ryan)

Movies that I am ashamed to say I saw in the theater:
• Riding in Cars with Boys
• Sin City
• Father of the Bride (multiple occasions)
• Titanic (multiple occasions)
• The Ladies Man
• Night at the Roxbury

Best premium channel shows (that I have seen):
• Curb Your Enthusism
• Dexter
• Homeland
• Game of Thrones
• Extras
• Band of Brothers/The Pacific
• Flight of the Conchords
• Weeds
• The Tudors
• Dead Like Me

My ‘desert island’ dvds:
• The Super Bowl history of the Pittsburgh Steelers
• Arrested Development
• American Psycho
• WCW Most Outrageous Moments
• Baseball by Ken Burns


Best Shots (or otherwise single serving drinks):
• Irish Carbomb
• Irish Breakfast (2 shot glasses, 1 straight OJ, 1 half Jameson, half Buttershots, take alcohol first and follow immediately with OJ….Pancakes!)
• Makers Mark/Knob Creek/Crown Royal/Jameson straight up
• 3 Wisemen (Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam)
• Jaegermeister
• Jaegermeister + Goldschlager + Grand Marnier
• Grand Marnier (unchilled)
• Patron

And lastly, the list that has sparked a million arguments,

Best James Bonds
• Sean Connery/Daniel Craig – Tie for 1st
• Pierce Brosnan
• All the rest
• George Lazenby