Game #5 – Cardinals at Nationals
The Cardinals have won five straight elimination games, so history appears to be on their side. Oh wait, no Pujols, no LaRussa and they are on the road facing a 21-game winner in Gio Gonzalez. Dick Stockton and Bob Brenly, the announcers, let us know that it’s a rematch of Game One, as Gio will face off against Adam Wainwright. Gio walked SEVEN batters in his first start of the series, so I am sure he will be looking to improve upon that. Side note: DC is probably my second favorite city in the US. Vegas, Pittsburgh (hometown), NY, Chicago, and San Diego, to name a few are on that list as well.
Gio takes the hill and will see Jon Jay, Carlos Beltran (for some reason batting out of the two hole tonight) and Matt Holiday in the first inning. Lots of pressure on young Gio Gonzalez tonight. Let’s see if he can deliver. I really like Stockton and Brenly in the booth tonight. They don’t seem to waste any words when describing the action, and Stockton, despite being known for his football broadcasting, does not seem out of place at all. Jay works the count to 3-0 as Gio’s fastballs aren’t coming near the plate, but he manages to get a called strike, before Jay flies out to Bryce Harper in center field. Beltran, who I traded for a king’s ransom in fantasy this season, steps in. A switch hitter, Beltran fouls off two straight fastballs and is quickly in the hole. Beltran then flares a single to center field; one on, one out for Matt Holliday, who usually destroys pitching in the playoffs, though not this series as he is hitting just 2-18. Brenly just said, ‘Excuse me, Dick.’ Whoo whoo. Holiday down on strikes, on four pitches, on a beautiful breaking ball in the dirt. Allen Craig is next up. Craig was one of the hitters that saved my fantasy season. Thanks AC! I know, the only thing that is more boring than your fantasy team is my fantasy team. Craig hits a shallow pop up to Harper in center, and the side is retired. Here comes some Nattitude! (worst slogan ever)
Wainwright will have the pleasure of facing Game Four hero and ex-Phillie Jayson Werth, rookie phenom Bryce Harper and third baseman Ryan Zimmerman. Wainwright was just 13-14 this season after returning from Tommy John surgery. If he played for the Pirates he would have blown out his shoulder this season. After yet another replay, I have now seen Werth’s Game Four walk-off solo homer about 500 times, and I am probably not counting enough. Werth doubles to the left field corner to set the Nats up in scoring position. Bryce Harper may be a future MVP and All Star, but frankly, he stunk after the All Star break. Oh, he’s just 19 years old, so I guess its ok. If anyone should be dating Kate Upton, it’s Bryce Harper. Harper smashes a fastball to center field over Jon Jay’s head, scoring Werth. An easy triple for Bryce, 1-0 Nats. This a chance for a huge inning for the Nats. Ryan Zimmerman will try to push Harper across. Zimmerman crushes yet another fastball to right center and it clears the wall for some impressive yard work. Three batters in, its 3-0 already, after a double, triple and home run. The Cards probably had a better start in mind. Here comes yet another former Pirate, the current ugliest man in baseball, Adam LaRoche, and goes down on strikes, via a great breaking ball. Uh oh, the Nats first inning batting average has fallen to .750. Left fielder Michael Morse steps up to face Adam Wainwright. Wainwright is working the strike zone well thus far, and the strike zone looks pretty extended tonight. Morse K’s on another sweet breaking ball in the dirt. Ian Desmond, come on down! To strike out, of course, on the same pitch that LaRoche and Morse struck out on. There is no learning happening here tonight. The Cards are coming to bat to try and chip into this lead. At least it’s only the second inning, so there is lots of time left.
Yadier Molina will try to get this rally started against our boy Gio Gonzalez. Yadier grounds out to Danny Espinosa at second base for the first out of the inning. The Cardinals are 9-17 on Fridays this season. Elias Sports Bureau comes up with weird statistics and trends. Now, 2011 World Series hero/MVP David ‘Doctor’ Freese singles to left, and second baseman Daniel Descalso digs in, 0 for his last six plate appearances. Gio is throwing gas and has been all season, as evidenced by his being 4th in the majors in strikeouts. Descalso is to this series as Lew Ford was to the Yankees-Orioles series. DD has fouled off four straight 2-2 pitches, before Gio punches him out on a fastball down and in, a very nice pitch with perfect location. Pete Kozma is next. He hit a three run homer earlier in the series, so something could happen in this at bat. For some reason, Freese takes off from first and catcher Kurt Suzuki could have had a 5-course meal back there before throwing Freese out by 8 feet at second. End of the inning.
It’s time for some Danny Espinosa, a non-prototypical second baseman: power, no speed, poor batting average. He quickly pops to Matt Holliday in left field, bringing Kurt Suzuki to the plate. Kurt is 1-13 in this series. Put me in coach! Of course, KS singles to right and is now hitting .143 in this series. Gio will try to sacrifice Suzuki over to second for Jayson Werth. Gio strikes out trying to bunt, because according to Stockton and Brenly, he is apparently such a bad hitter it is very unlikely that he will be able to advance the runner otherwise. Mountain Man Jayson Werth looking for a big hit here. He smokes one, which off the bat looks like it might leave the yard, but alas, it falls harmlessly to Jon Jay in center field.
Pete Kozma is back up at the plate after Freese was thrown out attempting to steal during his at bat last inning. He promptly flies to Harper in center field. Pitcher Adam Wainwright will try to not make too many embarrassing swings in his at bat. Gio jumps ahead quickly 1-2, and you need to punch him out here. He does so with a fantastic curveball. AW had no chance at that one. Back to the top of the order in Jon Jay. Gio is following the three basic rules of pitching tonight: throw strikes, work fast, change speeds. Jay goes down swinging to end the top half of the third inning.
Hey, look at that, Wolf Blitzer is at the game, staring at his BlackBerry or iPhone or whatever expensive phone he owns. Phenom Bryce Harper is next. And that’s why he is The Phenom. A monstrous home run into the right field seats. And this is why everyone hates him. He sprints around the bases as if he were Pete Rose, earning love from the announcers. He’s a professional baseball player. Not hustling should not be an option. Ryan Zimmerman follows the Harper homer up immediately with a frozen rope to the right center gap for a stand up double. Adam LaRoche has a chance to make this 5-0 in the third inning. Why any pitcher would throw LaRoche a fastball is crazy. He waves at breaking pitches like he is Pedro Cerrano and is a dead pull hitter as well, which actually works in the Nats advantage in this situation as they are trying to, at the least, move Zimmerman to third. Dick Stockton: ‘Wainwright gets him on a curve.’ Wow, I am Jack’s insane sense of surprise. Now Morse obliterates a fastball to left, out of the park. It’s now 6-0 Nats in the bottom of the third. Wainwright is pulled in favor of Joe Kelly. Is this really happening? Are the Nats going to take this game and advance? Kelly to face Ian Desmond first, and is bringing heat to the tune of 96 MPH. Desmond down on strikes for the second time, via a nice breaking ball from Joey Kelly. This Nats crowd is slightly embarrassing. No cheering, it’s not electric in the park, you would think this is a regular season game against the Marlins. Yankee Stadium was on fire the whole game earlier. Kelly sends a shot across Espinosa’s nose to back him off the plate. Espinosa waves at a slider and strikes out to end the inning.
Carlos Beltran steps in looking to get the rally started. Beltran has admirably filled the offensive void that Pujols left behind when he signed with the Angels, and he walks to lead things off. Uh oh, Matt Holliday could start the rally with one swing of the bat. Instead, Holliday doubles into the left field corner and Beltran comes all the way around from first to score the Cardinals first run. You can hear a pin drop in this stadium now, and its 6-1 in favor of the home team. Allen Craig quickly chops a grounder to Desmond at shortstop for the first out of the inning. Holliday cannot advance on the play. Molina flies out to Werth in right field, which does advance Holliday to third base. If any Cardinal can drive in a runner on third with two outs, it is definitely Dr. Freese. More clutch than a stick shift. However, Gio is on point and sets Freese down on strikes. Up come the Nats for more.
‘Kirk’ Suzuki is first up for the Nats/Expos franchise and lines out to Holliday in left field. Let’s just say that Gio Gonzalez will strike out on a fastball, but he does make contact, grounding out weakly to Espinosa at second base. That brings the top of the order, which looks like this in tonight’s game: 5-6, 2 homers, 4 RBI. Not too shabby. This whole Werth vs. the Phillies has to stop. Werth has been pretty bad (certainly not worth the $18 million a year that he signed for) in his two seasons as a Nat, whereas the Phillies, aside from the 2012 season, still have arguably the best team in the division. It’s not about the Phillies as an organization, though, the fans were really offended. That’s right, the worst fans in sports. Werth gounds out to second to end the inning. Joe Kelly is pitching quite well since coming on in relief in the third inning.
Gio is still on the mound and Descalso will lead it off for the bottom third of the Cards order. Stockton and Brenly go on a minute rant about how great Cards’ reliever Trevor Rosenthal is. I guess we’ll see next inning. Gio looks totally in command. If you are a Nats fan, you just need to hope he can hold it together until the seventh inning. Descalso ropes a fastball to right, over Jayson Werth’s head, and pulls into second with a stand up double. Pete Kozma, which sounds like a weatherman’s name to me, digs in again against our man Gio. This is a big out for Gio to get right now. He’ll be facing the pitcher’s spot next, which will be a pinch hitter, so getting 2 outs with the top of the order coming up can limit the damage. On cue, Kozma singles to right, and Descalso stops at third. Pinch hitter Shane Robinson bats against Gio. I did not know that Shane Robinson was a white guy but here he is ready to make an impact. Gio falls behind 3-1 with the top of the order looming. Still nobody out yet, and Gio walks Robinson to load the bases with nobody out. The tying run is now in the on deck circle. You have to look for the double play and limit the damage to 2 runs or less. Suzuki and Gio have had about 10 meetings at the mound just in this inning alone. Jay flares one that Espinosa hauls in fairly easily. If Jay gets slightly more wood on it, it’s a run at minimum. Carlos Beltran is next up. Vicious curveball that Beltran just gets a piece of, and the count is now 1-2. Gio uncorks a wild pitch that moves the runners up a base a piece. 6-2 now, and Beltran still at the dish. Another word that has just two practical applications: uncork. You can only either uncork a wild pitch, or your favorite bottle of cabernet sauvignon. Beltran walks, and now, Matt Holliday steps up and represents the tying run. Holiday hits a comebacker to Gio, who flips home for the force out, but Suzuki has no play on Holliday at first. Two outs, now. Gio has now reached 30 pitches in this inning alone and is showing signs of fatigue and frustration. Allen Craig walks on five pitches and run comes in to cut the 6-0 lead in half to 6-3. Gio can’t find the plate and he has walked three batters in the inning. He goes 2-0 to Yadier Molina, who is 0 for his last 11. That stays consistent with a fly out to right field, and the side is retired. Not a great inning for the Nats. They are still up by three, but seem to have no momentum. Uh oh.
The aforementioned Trevor Rosenthal toes the rubber now with the Phenom Bryce Harper to lead it off. Why do nearly all rookie relief pitchers get uniform numbers in the 60s range? Rosenthal is just blowing gas past Harper at 98 MPH. Obscure stat of the night added by Brenly: against pitches clocked at 93 MPH or above this season, Harper hit just .240. I wish that was my job, honestly. Back to it. Rosenthal hits 99 on the gun. If he hits you with that, it has got to hurt. My goodness. Rosenthal comes back with a filthy 82 MPH curve ball that Harper has no chance on. Ryan Zimmerman just saw a 100 MPH fastball, and to show you how much attention I am paying at the moment, it’s the fourth pitch in a row to hit 100. Zimmerman is down on strikes for the second out. The Nationals have struck out eight times in this game so far, in 4 2/3 innings. Terrible. Adam LaRoche flies out to Matt Holliday in left to end the inning.
The new pitcher for the Nats is Craig Stammen, a slightly less harder thrower than our man Rosenthal. By the way, Stammen’s ERA in this series is over 10. It seems like the right choice to bring him in. Freese singles past Desmond at shortstop on a ball he should have come up with. So now, Descalso, who started the last inning with a double, is up and promptly flies out to Harper in center field. More action in the bullpen for the Nats, with Sean Burnett, yet another former Pirate, and Edwin Jackson, who refused to accept a 3-year, $30 million offer from the Pirates in the offseason, warming up. Pete ‘The Weatherman’ Kozma digs in against Stammen, whose fastball has now touched 91 on the gun, which is close to 10% slower than Rosenthal’s from the previous inning. Kozma grounds into an inning ending double play….oh wait, Espinosa can’t get it out of his glove and they settle for the force out at second base. Off goes Stammen, and on comes Burnett to face Skip Schumaker. Another quality Nats reliever this post season, Burnett has given up three earned runs in 2/3 of an inning. He does his job though and induces (there’s that word again) a weak grounder to first. End of the inning.
Michael Morse leading off the bottom of the sixth against new Cardinals pitcher, Edward Mujica and he quickly grounds out to third base for the first out. Here comes Ian Desmond, who is hitting .412 in this series. Just like Morse, Desmond puts up little fight and grounds out to David Freese for the second out. Espinosa, a free swinger, is up next. This has the makings of a super quick inning as Mujica is making quick work of the bottom part of the Nats lineup. Against all odds, Espinosa draws a two out walk. Suzuki will attempt to extend the inning though it might not be the worst thing in the world to end the inning and get Burnett back out there on the hill. But, Kurt singles to extend the inning, with Roger Bernadina pinch hitting. Two on and two out for Roger, who has one official at bat in the series and has reached base on two walks as well. Rog falls behind 0-2 and Mujica can take his pick of what he wants to throw here. Mujica K’s Rog on a slider to end the inning.
Ah yes, the great Nats ‘tradition’, the Presidents’ race. Teddy trails by a huge margin in the overall standings. It’s like the Milwaukee Sausage Race or the Pittsburgh Pierogie Race. Who cares. Edwin Jackson takes over for the Nats and will face the top of the Cardinals order with John Jay, who walks, and it is now the fourth straight inning that the Cards have had the leadoff man on base. Beltran flips to the left side of the plate to face the righty Jackson. Beltran mashes a fastball to right field for a double. Jay goes to third and it’s now second and third with nobody out and Matt Holliday coming to the plate. Uh oh. Holliday hits a slow roller to Desmond at shortstop and the only play is to first base, which means Jay comes in to score and its suddenly 6-4. Once again, the tying run is now in the batter’s box. Jackson makes a HUGE pitch to K Allen Craig, and Molina steps up with two gone in the inning. Once again, a pitcher in this game cannot find the plate, as Jackson walks Molina on four pitches. I have a bad feeling about this. Dr. Freese is up now with first and second and two out. Freese goes down 1-2 and strikes out to end the inning. Yet still the Cardinals are just two runs back. They have to be confident right now. Brenly says as much about the nature of the comeback. They are just missing one key hit, and they would either be tied or ahead right now.
Mitchell Boggs comes on in relief for the Cardinals now. He looks like he should be a plumber, not a solid reliever. And with Werth up, it’s now the Battle of the Beards. I can’t help feeling that the Nats need to get some insurance in this inning or the eighth. The Cardinals have all the momentum right now. Molina is a great catcher, but he just tried to frame a pitch that was a foot and a half off the plate. Werth grounds out to The Weatherman for out number one. Harper digs in against Boggs and the at bat is a battle with several foul balls so far, and a 2-2 count. The Phenom golfs one out to John Jay in center field for a can of corn second out. (Note: ‘can of corn’ was a phrase used by former Pirates announcer Bob Prince, ‘The Gunner’. It simply means, it was an easy play.) Ryan Zimmerman is up now, and looking to give the ball a ride. It only takes one. Choke and Stroke. Grip it and Rip it. Shoot it through the box. Ok, that is enough hitting analogies. Zim does hit a sharp one hopper through the box and The Weatherman makes a beautiful play to scoop it and fire to first for the third out. I don’t like where this is headed for the Nats. Tyler Clippard will come on in relief for the Nats.
Clip has 84 K’s in 72 innings this year. Not a bad average K/9 ratio. Descalso, who seems to be in the middle of all these runs tonight, will lead things off. Clippard has one of the funkiest deliveries I have ever seen, but he is extremely effective out of the bullpen. My goodness, Descalso just did some yard work and hit it over the right field wall. It’s now 6-5 Nats. As a player, I don’t care for Descalso, but he has had an undeniable impact on this game. The Weatherman pops up to Desmond at shortstop for the first out. Matt Carpenter is your newest pinch hitter and is currently rocking an 0-3 streak as a pinch hitter. One thing I do like about Carpenter is that he doesn’t wear batting gloves, only because you never see that anymore. Carpenter goes down on strikes, swinging, thankfully. Top of the order for John Jay. Jay gives it a ride but The Phenom Bryce Harper is right there to haul it in. Nice play by Bryce, not necessarily a can of corn. Jason Motte will be your new Cardinals pitcher.
Dare I say, Jason Motte has a much better beard than Jayson Werth. It’s not even close. LaRoche smokes a fastball to right field, and the Nats have the leadoff man on base. Morse is up next and strokes a single to centerfield, which moves LaRoche up to second base. Desmond coming up now, and if he is not bunting, Davey Johnson should be fired on the spot. The Nats need an insurance run, not a five run inning. Fire Davey Johnson! Desmond does not turn to bunt and almost assuredly will hit into a double play. I will give Desmond credit though, as he is swinging for the fences which would, you would think, effectively end the game. Instead, he hits a slow roller to third and the Cards can only get the force out at second. Espinosa quickly pops up to first base. At least that didn’t take very long. Motte is throwing serious heat, at the Rosenthal level, around 99 MPH. And some breathing room for the Nationals as Suzuki singles through the box to knock in LaRoche from third to make the score 7-5. Chad Tracy is your pinch hitter and Drew Storen will come on to pitch the ninth. Tracy pops up to Dr. Freese at third base to end the inning. Top of the ninth and the end of the season is three outs away for the Cardinals.
Beltran will lead things off for the Cardinals and he is currently 2-2 with two walks tonight. He doubles off of the center field wall, and the Cardinals are in business with Matt Holliday and Allen Craig upcoming. Holliday grounds to Zimmerman at third, and while he completely ignores Beltran, since that run is ‘meaningless’ at this point, they get the out at first. Allen Craig, a personal favorite, will take his shot now. And Craig chases a pitch way out of the strike zone for the strikeout and two away here in the ninth. The Nats are just one out away from winning this series. Only Yadier Molina stands in their way now. Molina promptly walks and its first and third with one out and Mr. Clutch David Freese strolling to the plate. Freese walks on a 3-2 pitch to load up the bases for, of course, Danny Descalso. On the first pitch of the at bat, DD lines a shot up the middle that Desmond cannot handle and the tying runs score. It’s now first and third, with two outs and The Weatherman coming up to bat in a game tied at 7. I don't care how long this game goes, the Nate can't possibly rebound from this collapse, of epic proportions. The Apocalypse is upon us. Number eight hitter Pete ‘The Weatherman’ Kozma just hit a double down the right field line that scores Dr. Freese and Descalso. It is now 9-7 Cardinals, who have just outscored the Nats, in their home ballpark, 9-1 since the fourth inning. Unbelievable. This is the reason I am glad that the Pirates never make the playoffs. I can never suffer what Nats fans just went through. Wait, the Nats still get a last at bat. Still, this is one of the more epic one game collapses I have ever witnessed. Motte will take an at bat in the ninth and go down on strikes. But the damage has been done and now the Cardinals stand just three outs away from advancing to the NLCS. Amazing.
I am too depressed about the Nats’ collapse to expound on the bottom of the ninth, so here is how it finished, without any sarcastic wit or humor or observations. Werth flied out to right field, Harper struck out swinging (go figure that one) and Zimmerman puts a mean swing to the ball, but like any sport or any adult film, inches matter. He gets under the ball and pops it sky high to one of the ninth inning heroes, Danny Descalso, and with that, the final out puts a nice and tidy bow on this series.
Boy, it’s a good thing Nats GM Mike Rizzo shut down Stephen Strasburg. I mean, it’s not like they actually needed him against St. Louis. What a night of baseball. I had not watched a nine inning game in its entirety in quite a few years, but I was able to spend seven hours watching two elimination games. I was hoping for a Baltimore-Washington World Series (that would be epic!) but it is probably inevitable that it will be Yankees-Cardinals now. I can’t see the Tigers, and their one quality starter, beating the Yankees in a seven game series, and the same goes for Giants-Cardinals. Though for this series, the Giants have Buster Posey and Pablo Sandoval on offense and that is it. Matt Cain is really the only Giants starter that can be depended on at this point, while the Cardinals are full of momentum and confidence. We’ll re-visit Yankees-Cardinals when it actually happens.
Update: Derek Jeter sustained a fractured ankle in Game 1 of the ALCS and the Yankees fell behind 2-0 in the series. So it will more than likely be Cardinals-Tigers for the title.
And just for the hell of it and since this is supposed to be about tv, I am super pumped for Bond 23, 'Skyfall', so here is the trailer.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Game 5 Elimination Madness: Yanks-O's and Cards-Nats
Back in Black (and pinstripes) – The Live Yankees-Orioles and Nats-Card blog and Semi Catch-up Diary
It’s good to be back. After jet-setting all over Europe and Australia for 6 months for work and pleasure, it’s time to hop back on this roller coaster. For the first time, I managed to take home a fantasy baseball crown, as the Yoenis Brothers won the two week championship match on a tie breaker. I had never won before, in any sport, and this one felt good. Popping some bubbly and a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue in honor of me and my superior drafting ability.
The election and campaigning is in full swing since its October, though I would rather not get into that now, without being drunk. The Steelers are currently 2-3, after falling to the Titans (Titan Up!) 26-23 this past Thursday, and it might behoove them to go about 5-11 this year and get a top 12 draft pick. Though I am sure they will get healthy and make a run to 10-6 and slip in to the playoffs as a wildcard. That’s just what they do.
The MLB playoffs are in full swing as well. Since tonight there are two series ending games and I have not watched one game yet in the playoffs, much less a nine inning game, I thought this would be an opportunity to watch America’s Team, the Yankees, in their rubber match with the Baltimore Orioles for the right to go to the AL Championship Series, and then Nats-Cardinals in the night cap to go to the NL Championship Series. While I would like to see the Yanks lose, I don’t really want to see the O’s win, as then it calls into question why the Pirates have sucked for 20 consecutive losing seasons (note: that is not a misprint or typo). So, let’s see how this game plays out.
We’ll pick it up in the bottom of the 1st inning, with everyone’s favorite shortstop leading off, Derek Jeter, who is the most overrated shortstop to play the game in the modern era, in my humble opinion. Consistency means something, but he has never been the best shortstop in MLB in his career. I have gotten into arguments over Jeter’s legacy. Is he great? Yes. Is he a Hall of Famer? No doubt. Everyone needs to just get out of his ass. If he doesn’t play in New York, I can’t possibly have this complaint since he wouldn’t get half as much pub as he currently gets. Oh and look at that. Jeter works the count full, and then takes strike three.
Jason Hammel on the hill for Baltimore tonight, with Ichiro up next. Hammel pitched for some time in Colorado, so the move out of Coors Field lowered his ERA to just under 5. Yeah, he is pretty bad. I should automatically like Ichiro since he wears #31, since that was also Reggie Miller’s number for the Pacers back in the day, and he might be my favorite hoops player ever. A soft grounder to second for out number 2. Robby Cano up next. He is the best 2nd baseman in the game right now, and is up for a new contract. Easily, he’ll get 7 years, $140 million. Excuse me, I need to puke now. Cano absolutely murders a ball down the right field line, just foul. Someone got a well-earned souvenir. Soft grounder to first, end of the inning. Due up, Davis, Wieters and my homeboy Manny Machado (who helped lead me to fantasy glory).
By the way, the announcer is Ernie Johnson, whose primary sport is NBA basketball. It’s weird. CC Sabathia on the hill for the Yankees. He is looking a very svelte 500 pounds. Davis taps a roller down the first base line for out number one. I have no idea what CC stands for. Matt Wieters, a stud catcher who the Pirates could have drafted instead of Danny Moskos, a relief pitcher no longer with the organization, steps in and quickly falls behind 1-2. Wicked slider punches out Wieters. It really annoys me that CC wears his cap off center. I know, I know, he’s an individual, let him do what he wants. Manny Machado takes his shot now. I don’t know who the color commentator is, but he is terrible. Machado down on strikes. To the bottom of the second we go. Teixeira, Ibanez (Game 3’s hero) and Nick Swisher due up for the Yanks in the bottom half of the second.
On a fantasy note, Mark Teixeira is one of the most overrated first basemen out there. There I said it. Ground out to Machado at third, one down. Easy play for the kid, who is yet another high draft pick the Pirates could have had. Former Phillie and Mariner Raul Ibanez steps in, looking to repeat his magic from Game 3, but quickly pops up to Adam ‘I’m Not Pac Man’ Jones in center field. Nick Swisher is currently engaged to actress/general hottie Joanna Garcia. I think it pays more than money to be a professional baseball playa (spelling intentional). Hammel takes care of Swisher with another K.
Top of the third will bring up Mark Reynolds. Every time I see major league pitching, I really feel that I could hit it. Maybe not CC, but a soft tosser like Jamie Moyer or Jordan Zimmerman. Reynolds, by the way, holds the single season strikeout record for a batter. That is pretty impressive, at the least. He hacks like nobody in the business. Reynolds is having a great at bat and has worked the count full, making CC throw 10+ pitches, though predictably, he strikes out. He wasn’t even close to contact on that one. Here comes DH Lew Ford, who I have never heard of. The fact that the DH’s name is ‘Lew Ford’ does not bode well for the O’s. He sounds like a car salesman or crooner. We quickly learn thanks to Ernie Johnson why Ford is in the lineup: he has homered twice in his career off of our man CC. CC is working the outer half of the plate as he should, since he is a power pitcher and he should come inside to finish Ford off. Ford pops up to Ichiro in left field for the second out. Let’s see if Robert Andino can bring the pain. My guess? No. He is the #9 hitter for a reason, and Buck Showwalter, the O’s manager, is no dummy. However, Andino is a career .360 hitter when facing CC, but pops to right field to end the top of the third.
Due up for the Yankees is Granderson, Russell Martin and A-Rod’s replacement in the lineup tonight, the oft-injured Eric Chavez. Curtis Granderson hit 43 home runs in the regular season while hitting .232, which is amazing to me. Hammel has a great curve ball and he is using it quite often in the early going. Grandy Man flies to Chris Davis in right field. Catcher Russell Martin clocks one out to our man Not Pac Man Jones for out number two. Chavez can’t stay healthy, he’s getting old and he can’t hit for anything but power. Another fly out to Adam Jones. Nine up and nine down for both CC and Hammel through three innings. Here comes former Pirate Nate McLouth. He was hitting .140 this season with the Bucs before they released him, and now he is starring in the ALDS. And of course, he singles to left and represents the first hit for either team. Nice piece of hitting in taking the gas the other way. JJ Hardy, the shortstop, steps up, and promptly pops out the right field. Here comes Not Pac Man Jones, who had an absolute break out year, about 3 years after it was expected. Jones rips it to the gap, but Granderson tracks it down for the second out. Jones is now 2-21 in the series, only slightly worse that A-Rod’s 2-16 number, which earned him a seat on the bench. Chris Davis is up, looking for a big two out hit. McLouth steals second. Nate must say his prayers every night, going from the outhouse to the penthouse, and having nothing to do with it. On a side note, one of my co-workers is at this game. Davis staying alive with foul balls, on some tough pitches to hit as well. Good job stretching out the pitch count. Davis then pops up to center field.
The sitcom ‘Cougartown’ got booted off ABC and TBS picked it up. Remarkably, Courtney Cox looks better now than she did 15 years ago on ‘Friends’. Guess what? I am still not watching. Jeter steps in, likely to make another out. Color commentator: Jeter is not done with 2 strikes. I know, he still has one more strike to go! Oh and guess what, another Jeter K. Did Buck Showwalter just call himself ‘Captain Obvious’ in a between innings interview? Someone needs to stay off of Urban Dictionary or any show on Nickelodeon. Ichiro will take his hacks now and promptly grounds to Andino at second base. Ernie reminds us that the O’s and Yanks have been neck and neck since about the All Star break, and in fact are an even 11-11 against each other this year. Robby Cano, next up. Hammel is firing darts tonight and appears totally in control of where he is throwing the ball, contrary to any of his previous MLB experience. If the O’s win this game, his performance thus far will be a big part of it. Cano takes strike three right down the pipe. Bad one to strike out on when if he puts a bat on it, it likely leaves the yard, but it looked like he was expecting junk, something off speed. Here come the Orioles!
Matt Wieters upcoming for the O’s, and is 2-18 in the series. Great pitching or horrible hitting? Probably somewhere in the middle. Weiters is working CC nicely in this at bat and CC walks him on 5 pitches. Manger interviews are so useless, just like sideline reporters in college and pro football. The Kid, Manny Machado, is ready to mash. On a side note, A-Rod was benched for this game, which personally I think was an enormous mistake. One way or another, I think he gets a hit in this game that means something. Machado pops up to Cano at second base. Mark Reynolds then lasers one up the middle that may or may not have ricocheted off of CC, and Cano picks it up for the 4-3 double play to end the top half of the fifth. I am so glad I don’t watch commercials, because they all appear to suck.
Teixeira leading it off for the Yanks in the bottom of the fifth. The shift is on in the infield. Does this ever work? Can we get some statistical data on this? I am not sure it even matters. Tex crushes one to right field and it falls in for a single and the first Yankee hit. The shift matters not. Ibanez looking for yet another clutch hit. He’s only in the lineup because he bats left handed, not because he killed it in the regular season. Surprisingly, Tex steals second, as the O’s were not holding him on first. Hundred bucks says Ibanez singles in Tex right now. Baseball managers are the most overrated and useless coaches in all of sports, right next to caddies. Ibanez is working over Hammel here as well, it’s been a very long at bat and the count stands at 3-2. Mr. Joanna Garcia stands on deck. Predictably, Ibanez knocks in Tex with a single up the middle. 1-0 Yankees and you owe me $100. Good thing the Phillies let him go as a free agent. Still no outs on the board yet, and Swisher steps in. Hammel, by the way, looks no older than a high school sophomore. Swisher grounds into a life-saving 6-4-3 double play. Quote from color commentator: ‘I am going to say that is a huge play in this game.’ To quote previously Buck Showwalter, thank you Captain Obvious. I think anyone with a cursory knowledge of baseball could do these guys jobs, and be just as good if not better. Ever heard Tim McCarver for nine innings? Your ears will bleed before it’s over and there is a chance you may go insane from the stupid commentary that T-Mac delivers. Nevertheless, the bases are empty with two out in the bottom of the fifth inning. The Grandy Man comes up hacking at the first pitch he sees. Granderson, on the second pitch, lines a single to right field. Good for him! He is now 2-18 in the series. And we just learned that Justin Verlander, who pitched a 4-hit shutout against Oakland last night to advance the Tigers to the ALCS, is dating SI Swimsuit Issue cover model and ‘actress’ Kate Upton. I am not sure which is the bigger accomplishment for Verlander, but now, I respect him. Granderson swipes second. Tough pitch for Wieters to come up throwing on. Was not even close. Martin flies out to Jones in center field, and the Orioles will get a crack to tie the game up.
Look, I like New York as a city just fine, but can we all just agree that it’s cool and move on? Every movie and sitcom is set there, the NFL awarded a Super Bowl to the NY franchises (NY in the middle of February, the fans will love that) and there are enough anthems about the city to fill an iPod (any size memory of your choosing). We all get it, there’s no place like it. It’s been about enough already. Ok, top of the sixth, and everyone’s favorite DH Lew Ford steps in. Ford smokes one right at Tex at first base and he scoops it up for a 3-unassisted out. Robert Andino is good enough to play for the Pirates, Royals, Padres, Rockies, most Double A teams and my high school team, the Hopewell Vikings. Why he is getting crucial at bats in the playoffs is beyond me. Wasting little time, Andino flies out to Swisher in right field. I have just learned that John Smoltz is one of the announcers and he is pretty good. The other one stinks though, and his identity is yet to be revealed, and probably for good reason. Nate McLouth, we hardly knew you, and he has the only Oriole base knock in the game. Mark Reynolds looks like a friend of mine’s younger brother. Spitting image, it’s scary. Nasty Nate absolutely tees off on a fastball down the right field line towards the foul pole, and it’s called foul. Let’s go to the replay and delay this game 15 minutes. The umpiring crew will review that play, though from the replay, it appears as if the ball hit the foul pole. No clear call here, so we’ll see what the umps come back with. While they are reviewing the play, the Yankee PA system is pumping out ‘Moves Like Jagger’ by immortal, prototypical 2000’s band Maroon 5. Oy vie. The ghosts of Mantle, DiMaggio, Ruth and John Wetteland do not approve. I think the O’s got hosed, as they stick with the original call of foul ball. Predictably, Nasty Nate goes down on strikes on the next pitch, a nasty slider from our boy CC. On to the bottom of the sixth. CC has a one hitter going.
Eric Chavez steps up. This should be A-Rod. At the least, pitchers have to respect him and don’t go right after him like Chavez, who just went down on strikes on three pitches. McLouth rocks the straight bill on his hat? Who knew? Mr. November Derek Jeter steps up to strike out again, though he is 8-21 in this series, so he deserves credit for that. So Verlander (always say his name like Zoolander) is dating Kate Upton, who is approximately 19 years old. JV is 29 years old. How did that go over with Mr. and Mrs. Upton? I mean, 10 years man! 10 years! That’s a lot of ‘experience’ that Kate just doesn’t have. Jeter walks, and former Mariner stud and hero Ichiro will try to push Jeter across, and does so with a double to the right center field gap. Good night Jason Hammel, you done well, son, you done well (considering how bad your career numbers are). Oh wait, Buck leaves him in to face Cano. I am not sure about this. Cano seems like he is due to pop one. Marvcus Patton, I mean, Troy Patton warming in the bullpen (Marvcus Patton was a linebacker for the Redskins back in the 90s, and has the greatest first name ever. Like his parents could not decide between ‘Marvin’ and ‘Marcus’. This can be done with other names as well I am sure. Let me think about this.). Cano is hacking. He clearly wants to hit it out of the bandbox that is Yankee Stadium. Instead, he watches strike three across the top of the strike zone. Beautiful pitch by Hammel. Tex will be intentionally walked to face Mr. Clutch, Raul Ibanez. Captain Obvious comes out of the dugout and they will turn to lefty Troy (Marvcus) Patton to induce the third out. (Much like the word ‘ensuing’, which can only be used to describe kickoffs in football, ‘induce’ is used in only two logical places: inducing labor to have a baby, and inducing a double play in baseball.) A-Rod! A-Rod! A-Rod! Will there be a better time to pinch hit A-Rod than now? Craig Sager, best sport coats ever. Period. End of discussion. Ibanez rips one barely foul. Game over if that is fair. Raul down on strikes, swinging thankfully. No hitter should ever go down looking. Since there are two strikes, you need to be protecting the plate. Duh. On to the seventh inning, and CC remains on the hill.
Hardy to lead things off and he immediately directs one to Cano for out number one. Not Pac Man is up next, and he has gained a reputation for chewing lots and lots of bubble gum. C’mon, be a major leaguer and chew tobacco. Even the players’ wives do it (source: ‘The Naked Gun’). Jones is down on strikes in three pitches. Ernie Johnson: ‘Sabathia made him look bad.’ And I could not agree more. Chris Davis pops up harmlessly to the Grandy Man and we head to the bottom of the seventh.
As a general rule, I do not care for Bruce Springsteen or Pearl Jam. Now that MLB has made a Bruce song its theme of the playoffs, I will be fast forwarding through this. TBS finally decides to let us know that the other color analyst is Cal Ripken, who has been less than impressive with his effort tonight. He just doesn’t seem all that seasoned at the announcing gig. Swisher to lead things off for the Yankees. Stop showing Mariano Rivera! He had a serious knee injury and will not pitch tonight. Mr. Garcia (Nick Swisher) flips to the right side to face Marvcus, I mean, Troy Patton. Swisher has some serious eye black on tonight. Not in the neighborhood of boy wonder Bryce Harper, but impressive nonetheless. Swisher is out on three pitches. Patton busted him inside and Nicky had no chance. Granderson has been terrible in this series. Really earning that paycheck, big fella. On cue, Granderson crushes one into the right field bleachers, to make the score 3-0 Yankees. Russell Martin should just end this inning asap. The Orioles have one hit. A comeback is about 0.0001% likely at this point. But that is why they play the game, and you PLAY TO WIN THE GAME. –H. Edwards. Martin grounds out to My Boy Manny Machado for the second out. It’s enough with Eric Chavez already. He strikes out on five pitches. More Bruce to take us to the eighth inning.
My only question now is if CC will close out this game or they will replace him. CC is out there for the eighth, against Matt Wieters, who immediately singles to left. It only took 7 full innings to get two hits! My Boy Manny Machado has a chance to do some damage here. Smoltz makes a great point. O’s hitters have gotten to 2-0 counts several times in the game against CC and have refused to unload on an obvious strike (that could be hit out of the ball park) on the third pitch since they are trying to increase CC’s pitch count. My Boy Manny Machado works a walk, and it’s now first and second, nobody out, with noted power hitter/strike out artist Mark Reynolds walking to the dish, and not surprisingly, is hacking right away. CC is having trouble throwing strikes in this inning. This has to be his last hitter, unless there is a double play of some sort. He has thrown a ton of pitches to this point. Reynolds hacks at the 3-1 and fouls it back. It was right down Broadway and he just missed it. A game of inches. Huge pitch as CC comes at him with a change up for a swinging strike three. Nice job by our boy CC. The immortal Lew Ford is next up. And of course, on cue, the immortal Lew Ford singles to left to bring in Wieters from second base, 3-1 Yankees, and….GOOD GOD, is that Robert Andino’s music???? Boy, could the O’s really use Nick Markakis at the moment (or anyone else not named Andino), but he is injured and out for the playoffs. CC is hitting his spots against Andino and has him 1-2. Bob Andino chops one just past the pitchers’ mound, CC fields it then fires to second but the immortal Lew Ford beats the throw. Bases loaded with Orioles for everyone’s favorite Pirate castoff, Nasty Nate McLouth. Ernie Johnson sounds nervous. Admittedly, I am a bit so as well. CC is laboring now and looks frustrated, but comes back to strike out Nate. Nothing makes me happier than upset Yankee fans. They don’t know what it’s like to cheer for a loser. Up to the plate is JJ Hardy, bases still loaded, and CC is up to 108 pitches. He is done after Hardy, whether he gets him out or lets up a hit. Hardy looks over matched in this at bat and the count sits at 1-2. Hardy chops a slow roller to Jeter who makes a really nice play (one he has made a million times by the way) and CC is out of a big time jam.
Enter Pedro Strop for the Orioles. Baltimore had a shutdown bullpen in the regular season, so it’s no surprise to see them doing it now in the playoffs. Jeter leads it off in the bottom of the eighth and weakly grounds out to Bob Andino at second base. That’s just what future Hall of Famers do: ground out weakly in big spots. Ripken just said that Mark Reynolds has ‘good legs’. Is he talking about Kate Upton or Reynolds? Uh, gross. Ichiro, who has a massive porn collection, no wait, that is Hideki Matsui, former Yankee, will hit now and walks for the first base runner of the inning. Captain Obvious pays a visit to the mound. Talented pitcher/noted bust Brian Matusz will take his turn on the hill in a relief role. On one pitch, Matusz induces a double play and we go to the ninth inning.
CC stays on the hill to finish the job and face Not Pac Man, Chris Davis and Matt Wieters. I bet Jones’ dentist makes a killing off of him from all the bubble gum he chews. Jones pops it to left where defensive sub Brett Gardner makes the grab for out number one. The Yankees are 92-0 in the post season when leading after eight innings. That’s great, but it has absolutely no bearing on tonight. Chris Davis is hacking and falls behind 0-2. Davis strikes out on a pitch that would have gone over the Empire State Building, it was that high out of the strike zone. Wieters will try to extend the Orioles’ season. And he fails, chopping a slow roller back to CC and the game is over. It will be Yankees and Tigers in the ALCS. Most annoying thing about a Yankee win? Undoubtedly, the playing of Sinatra’s version of ‘New York, New York’. To repeat, we get it. You’re in New York, it’s a great town, we all love it.
On that note, I definitely have carpal tunnel now, but will soldier ahead for Game 5 of Cardinals at Nationals.
It’s good to be back. After jet-setting all over Europe and Australia for 6 months for work and pleasure, it’s time to hop back on this roller coaster. For the first time, I managed to take home a fantasy baseball crown, as the Yoenis Brothers won the two week championship match on a tie breaker. I had never won before, in any sport, and this one felt good. Popping some bubbly and a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue in honor of me and my superior drafting ability.
The election and campaigning is in full swing since its October, though I would rather not get into that now, without being drunk. The Steelers are currently 2-3, after falling to the Titans (Titan Up!) 26-23 this past Thursday, and it might behoove them to go about 5-11 this year and get a top 12 draft pick. Though I am sure they will get healthy and make a run to 10-6 and slip in to the playoffs as a wildcard. That’s just what they do.
The MLB playoffs are in full swing as well. Since tonight there are two series ending games and I have not watched one game yet in the playoffs, much less a nine inning game, I thought this would be an opportunity to watch America’s Team, the Yankees, in their rubber match with the Baltimore Orioles for the right to go to the AL Championship Series, and then Nats-Cardinals in the night cap to go to the NL Championship Series. While I would like to see the Yanks lose, I don’t really want to see the O’s win, as then it calls into question why the Pirates have sucked for 20 consecutive losing seasons (note: that is not a misprint or typo). So, let’s see how this game plays out.
We’ll pick it up in the bottom of the 1st inning, with everyone’s favorite shortstop leading off, Derek Jeter, who is the most overrated shortstop to play the game in the modern era, in my humble opinion. Consistency means something, but he has never been the best shortstop in MLB in his career. I have gotten into arguments over Jeter’s legacy. Is he great? Yes. Is he a Hall of Famer? No doubt. Everyone needs to just get out of his ass. If he doesn’t play in New York, I can’t possibly have this complaint since he wouldn’t get half as much pub as he currently gets. Oh and look at that. Jeter works the count full, and then takes strike three.
Jason Hammel on the hill for Baltimore tonight, with Ichiro up next. Hammel pitched for some time in Colorado, so the move out of Coors Field lowered his ERA to just under 5. Yeah, he is pretty bad. I should automatically like Ichiro since he wears #31, since that was also Reggie Miller’s number for the Pacers back in the day, and he might be my favorite hoops player ever. A soft grounder to second for out number 2. Robby Cano up next. He is the best 2nd baseman in the game right now, and is up for a new contract. Easily, he’ll get 7 years, $140 million. Excuse me, I need to puke now. Cano absolutely murders a ball down the right field line, just foul. Someone got a well-earned souvenir. Soft grounder to first, end of the inning. Due up, Davis, Wieters and my homeboy Manny Machado (who helped lead me to fantasy glory).
By the way, the announcer is Ernie Johnson, whose primary sport is NBA basketball. It’s weird. CC Sabathia on the hill for the Yankees. He is looking a very svelte 500 pounds. Davis taps a roller down the first base line for out number one. I have no idea what CC stands for. Matt Wieters, a stud catcher who the Pirates could have drafted instead of Danny Moskos, a relief pitcher no longer with the organization, steps in and quickly falls behind 1-2. Wicked slider punches out Wieters. It really annoys me that CC wears his cap off center. I know, I know, he’s an individual, let him do what he wants. Manny Machado takes his shot now. I don’t know who the color commentator is, but he is terrible. Machado down on strikes. To the bottom of the second we go. Teixeira, Ibanez (Game 3’s hero) and Nick Swisher due up for the Yanks in the bottom half of the second.
On a fantasy note, Mark Teixeira is one of the most overrated first basemen out there. There I said it. Ground out to Machado at third, one down. Easy play for the kid, who is yet another high draft pick the Pirates could have had. Former Phillie and Mariner Raul Ibanez steps in, looking to repeat his magic from Game 3, but quickly pops up to Adam ‘I’m Not Pac Man’ Jones in center field. Nick Swisher is currently engaged to actress/general hottie Joanna Garcia. I think it pays more than money to be a professional baseball playa (spelling intentional). Hammel takes care of Swisher with another K.
Top of the third will bring up Mark Reynolds. Every time I see major league pitching, I really feel that I could hit it. Maybe not CC, but a soft tosser like Jamie Moyer or Jordan Zimmerman. Reynolds, by the way, holds the single season strikeout record for a batter. That is pretty impressive, at the least. He hacks like nobody in the business. Reynolds is having a great at bat and has worked the count full, making CC throw 10+ pitches, though predictably, he strikes out. He wasn’t even close to contact on that one. Here comes DH Lew Ford, who I have never heard of. The fact that the DH’s name is ‘Lew Ford’ does not bode well for the O’s. He sounds like a car salesman or crooner. We quickly learn thanks to Ernie Johnson why Ford is in the lineup: he has homered twice in his career off of our man CC. CC is working the outer half of the plate as he should, since he is a power pitcher and he should come inside to finish Ford off. Ford pops up to Ichiro in left field for the second out. Let’s see if Robert Andino can bring the pain. My guess? No. He is the #9 hitter for a reason, and Buck Showwalter, the O’s manager, is no dummy. However, Andino is a career .360 hitter when facing CC, but pops to right field to end the top of the third.
Due up for the Yankees is Granderson, Russell Martin and A-Rod’s replacement in the lineup tonight, the oft-injured Eric Chavez. Curtis Granderson hit 43 home runs in the regular season while hitting .232, which is amazing to me. Hammel has a great curve ball and he is using it quite often in the early going. Grandy Man flies to Chris Davis in right field. Catcher Russell Martin clocks one out to our man Not Pac Man Jones for out number two. Chavez can’t stay healthy, he’s getting old and he can’t hit for anything but power. Another fly out to Adam Jones. Nine up and nine down for both CC and Hammel through three innings. Here comes former Pirate Nate McLouth. He was hitting .140 this season with the Bucs before they released him, and now he is starring in the ALDS. And of course, he singles to left and represents the first hit for either team. Nice piece of hitting in taking the gas the other way. JJ Hardy, the shortstop, steps up, and promptly pops out the right field. Here comes Not Pac Man Jones, who had an absolute break out year, about 3 years after it was expected. Jones rips it to the gap, but Granderson tracks it down for the second out. Jones is now 2-21 in the series, only slightly worse that A-Rod’s 2-16 number, which earned him a seat on the bench. Chris Davis is up, looking for a big two out hit. McLouth steals second. Nate must say his prayers every night, going from the outhouse to the penthouse, and having nothing to do with it. On a side note, one of my co-workers is at this game. Davis staying alive with foul balls, on some tough pitches to hit as well. Good job stretching out the pitch count. Davis then pops up to center field.
The sitcom ‘Cougartown’ got booted off ABC and TBS picked it up. Remarkably, Courtney Cox looks better now than she did 15 years ago on ‘Friends’. Guess what? I am still not watching. Jeter steps in, likely to make another out. Color commentator: Jeter is not done with 2 strikes. I know, he still has one more strike to go! Oh and guess what, another Jeter K. Did Buck Showwalter just call himself ‘Captain Obvious’ in a between innings interview? Someone needs to stay off of Urban Dictionary or any show on Nickelodeon. Ichiro will take his hacks now and promptly grounds to Andino at second base. Ernie reminds us that the O’s and Yanks have been neck and neck since about the All Star break, and in fact are an even 11-11 against each other this year. Robby Cano, next up. Hammel is firing darts tonight and appears totally in control of where he is throwing the ball, contrary to any of his previous MLB experience. If the O’s win this game, his performance thus far will be a big part of it. Cano takes strike three right down the pipe. Bad one to strike out on when if he puts a bat on it, it likely leaves the yard, but it looked like he was expecting junk, something off speed. Here come the Orioles!
Matt Wieters upcoming for the O’s, and is 2-18 in the series. Great pitching or horrible hitting? Probably somewhere in the middle. Weiters is working CC nicely in this at bat and CC walks him on 5 pitches. Manger interviews are so useless, just like sideline reporters in college and pro football. The Kid, Manny Machado, is ready to mash. On a side note, A-Rod was benched for this game, which personally I think was an enormous mistake. One way or another, I think he gets a hit in this game that means something. Machado pops up to Cano at second base. Mark Reynolds then lasers one up the middle that may or may not have ricocheted off of CC, and Cano picks it up for the 4-3 double play to end the top half of the fifth. I am so glad I don’t watch commercials, because they all appear to suck.
Teixeira leading it off for the Yanks in the bottom of the fifth. The shift is on in the infield. Does this ever work? Can we get some statistical data on this? I am not sure it even matters. Tex crushes one to right field and it falls in for a single and the first Yankee hit. The shift matters not. Ibanez looking for yet another clutch hit. He’s only in the lineup because he bats left handed, not because he killed it in the regular season. Surprisingly, Tex steals second, as the O’s were not holding him on first. Hundred bucks says Ibanez singles in Tex right now. Baseball managers are the most overrated and useless coaches in all of sports, right next to caddies. Ibanez is working over Hammel here as well, it’s been a very long at bat and the count stands at 3-2. Mr. Joanna Garcia stands on deck. Predictably, Ibanez knocks in Tex with a single up the middle. 1-0 Yankees and you owe me $100. Good thing the Phillies let him go as a free agent. Still no outs on the board yet, and Swisher steps in. Hammel, by the way, looks no older than a high school sophomore. Swisher grounds into a life-saving 6-4-3 double play. Quote from color commentator: ‘I am going to say that is a huge play in this game.’ To quote previously Buck Showwalter, thank you Captain Obvious. I think anyone with a cursory knowledge of baseball could do these guys jobs, and be just as good if not better. Ever heard Tim McCarver for nine innings? Your ears will bleed before it’s over and there is a chance you may go insane from the stupid commentary that T-Mac delivers. Nevertheless, the bases are empty with two out in the bottom of the fifth inning. The Grandy Man comes up hacking at the first pitch he sees. Granderson, on the second pitch, lines a single to right field. Good for him! He is now 2-18 in the series. And we just learned that Justin Verlander, who pitched a 4-hit shutout against Oakland last night to advance the Tigers to the ALCS, is dating SI Swimsuit Issue cover model and ‘actress’ Kate Upton. I am not sure which is the bigger accomplishment for Verlander, but now, I respect him. Granderson swipes second. Tough pitch for Wieters to come up throwing on. Was not even close. Martin flies out to Jones in center field, and the Orioles will get a crack to tie the game up.
Look, I like New York as a city just fine, but can we all just agree that it’s cool and move on? Every movie and sitcom is set there, the NFL awarded a Super Bowl to the NY franchises (NY in the middle of February, the fans will love that) and there are enough anthems about the city to fill an iPod (any size memory of your choosing). We all get it, there’s no place like it. It’s been about enough already. Ok, top of the sixth, and everyone’s favorite DH Lew Ford steps in. Ford smokes one right at Tex at first base and he scoops it up for a 3-unassisted out. Robert Andino is good enough to play for the Pirates, Royals, Padres, Rockies, most Double A teams and my high school team, the Hopewell Vikings. Why he is getting crucial at bats in the playoffs is beyond me. Wasting little time, Andino flies out to Swisher in right field. I have just learned that John Smoltz is one of the announcers and he is pretty good. The other one stinks though, and his identity is yet to be revealed, and probably for good reason. Nate McLouth, we hardly knew you, and he has the only Oriole base knock in the game. Mark Reynolds looks like a friend of mine’s younger brother. Spitting image, it’s scary. Nasty Nate absolutely tees off on a fastball down the right field line towards the foul pole, and it’s called foul. Let’s go to the replay and delay this game 15 minutes. The umpiring crew will review that play, though from the replay, it appears as if the ball hit the foul pole. No clear call here, so we’ll see what the umps come back with. While they are reviewing the play, the Yankee PA system is pumping out ‘Moves Like Jagger’ by immortal, prototypical 2000’s band Maroon 5. Oy vie. The ghosts of Mantle, DiMaggio, Ruth and John Wetteland do not approve. I think the O’s got hosed, as they stick with the original call of foul ball. Predictably, Nasty Nate goes down on strikes on the next pitch, a nasty slider from our boy CC. On to the bottom of the sixth. CC has a one hitter going.
Eric Chavez steps up. This should be A-Rod. At the least, pitchers have to respect him and don’t go right after him like Chavez, who just went down on strikes on three pitches. McLouth rocks the straight bill on his hat? Who knew? Mr. November Derek Jeter steps up to strike out again, though he is 8-21 in this series, so he deserves credit for that. So Verlander (always say his name like Zoolander) is dating Kate Upton, who is approximately 19 years old. JV is 29 years old. How did that go over with Mr. and Mrs. Upton? I mean, 10 years man! 10 years! That’s a lot of ‘experience’ that Kate just doesn’t have. Jeter walks, and former Mariner stud and hero Ichiro will try to push Jeter across, and does so with a double to the right center field gap. Good night Jason Hammel, you done well, son, you done well (considering how bad your career numbers are). Oh wait, Buck leaves him in to face Cano. I am not sure about this. Cano seems like he is due to pop one. Marvcus Patton, I mean, Troy Patton warming in the bullpen (Marvcus Patton was a linebacker for the Redskins back in the 90s, and has the greatest first name ever. Like his parents could not decide between ‘Marvin’ and ‘Marcus’. This can be done with other names as well I am sure. Let me think about this.). Cano is hacking. He clearly wants to hit it out of the bandbox that is Yankee Stadium. Instead, he watches strike three across the top of the strike zone. Beautiful pitch by Hammel. Tex will be intentionally walked to face Mr. Clutch, Raul Ibanez. Captain Obvious comes out of the dugout and they will turn to lefty Troy (Marvcus) Patton to induce the third out. (Much like the word ‘ensuing’, which can only be used to describe kickoffs in football, ‘induce’ is used in only two logical places: inducing labor to have a baby, and inducing a double play in baseball.) A-Rod! A-Rod! A-Rod! Will there be a better time to pinch hit A-Rod than now? Craig Sager, best sport coats ever. Period. End of discussion. Ibanez rips one barely foul. Game over if that is fair. Raul down on strikes, swinging thankfully. No hitter should ever go down looking. Since there are two strikes, you need to be protecting the plate. Duh. On to the seventh inning, and CC remains on the hill.
Hardy to lead things off and he immediately directs one to Cano for out number one. Not Pac Man is up next, and he has gained a reputation for chewing lots and lots of bubble gum. C’mon, be a major leaguer and chew tobacco. Even the players’ wives do it (source: ‘The Naked Gun’). Jones is down on strikes in three pitches. Ernie Johnson: ‘Sabathia made him look bad.’ And I could not agree more. Chris Davis pops up harmlessly to the Grandy Man and we head to the bottom of the seventh.
As a general rule, I do not care for Bruce Springsteen or Pearl Jam. Now that MLB has made a Bruce song its theme of the playoffs, I will be fast forwarding through this. TBS finally decides to let us know that the other color analyst is Cal Ripken, who has been less than impressive with his effort tonight. He just doesn’t seem all that seasoned at the announcing gig. Swisher to lead things off for the Yankees. Stop showing Mariano Rivera! He had a serious knee injury and will not pitch tonight. Mr. Garcia (Nick Swisher) flips to the right side to face Marvcus, I mean, Troy Patton. Swisher has some serious eye black on tonight. Not in the neighborhood of boy wonder Bryce Harper, but impressive nonetheless. Swisher is out on three pitches. Patton busted him inside and Nicky had no chance. Granderson has been terrible in this series. Really earning that paycheck, big fella. On cue, Granderson crushes one into the right field bleachers, to make the score 3-0 Yankees. Russell Martin should just end this inning asap. The Orioles have one hit. A comeback is about 0.0001% likely at this point. But that is why they play the game, and you PLAY TO WIN THE GAME. –H. Edwards. Martin grounds out to My Boy Manny Machado for the second out. It’s enough with Eric Chavez already. He strikes out on five pitches. More Bruce to take us to the eighth inning.
My only question now is if CC will close out this game or they will replace him. CC is out there for the eighth, against Matt Wieters, who immediately singles to left. It only took 7 full innings to get two hits! My Boy Manny Machado has a chance to do some damage here. Smoltz makes a great point. O’s hitters have gotten to 2-0 counts several times in the game against CC and have refused to unload on an obvious strike (that could be hit out of the ball park) on the third pitch since they are trying to increase CC’s pitch count. My Boy Manny Machado works a walk, and it’s now first and second, nobody out, with noted power hitter/strike out artist Mark Reynolds walking to the dish, and not surprisingly, is hacking right away. CC is having trouble throwing strikes in this inning. This has to be his last hitter, unless there is a double play of some sort. He has thrown a ton of pitches to this point. Reynolds hacks at the 3-1 and fouls it back. It was right down Broadway and he just missed it. A game of inches. Huge pitch as CC comes at him with a change up for a swinging strike three. Nice job by our boy CC. The immortal Lew Ford is next up. And of course, on cue, the immortal Lew Ford singles to left to bring in Wieters from second base, 3-1 Yankees, and….GOOD GOD, is that Robert Andino’s music???? Boy, could the O’s really use Nick Markakis at the moment (or anyone else not named Andino), but he is injured and out for the playoffs. CC is hitting his spots against Andino and has him 1-2. Bob Andino chops one just past the pitchers’ mound, CC fields it then fires to second but the immortal Lew Ford beats the throw. Bases loaded with Orioles for everyone’s favorite Pirate castoff, Nasty Nate McLouth. Ernie Johnson sounds nervous. Admittedly, I am a bit so as well. CC is laboring now and looks frustrated, but comes back to strike out Nate. Nothing makes me happier than upset Yankee fans. They don’t know what it’s like to cheer for a loser. Up to the plate is JJ Hardy, bases still loaded, and CC is up to 108 pitches. He is done after Hardy, whether he gets him out or lets up a hit. Hardy looks over matched in this at bat and the count sits at 1-2. Hardy chops a slow roller to Jeter who makes a really nice play (one he has made a million times by the way) and CC is out of a big time jam.
Enter Pedro Strop for the Orioles. Baltimore had a shutdown bullpen in the regular season, so it’s no surprise to see them doing it now in the playoffs. Jeter leads it off in the bottom of the eighth and weakly grounds out to Bob Andino at second base. That’s just what future Hall of Famers do: ground out weakly in big spots. Ripken just said that Mark Reynolds has ‘good legs’. Is he talking about Kate Upton or Reynolds? Uh, gross. Ichiro, who has a massive porn collection, no wait, that is Hideki Matsui, former Yankee, will hit now and walks for the first base runner of the inning. Captain Obvious pays a visit to the mound. Talented pitcher/noted bust Brian Matusz will take his turn on the hill in a relief role. On one pitch, Matusz induces a double play and we go to the ninth inning.
CC stays on the hill to finish the job and face Not Pac Man, Chris Davis and Matt Wieters. I bet Jones’ dentist makes a killing off of him from all the bubble gum he chews. Jones pops it to left where defensive sub Brett Gardner makes the grab for out number one. The Yankees are 92-0 in the post season when leading after eight innings. That’s great, but it has absolutely no bearing on tonight. Chris Davis is hacking and falls behind 0-2. Davis strikes out on a pitch that would have gone over the Empire State Building, it was that high out of the strike zone. Wieters will try to extend the Orioles’ season. And he fails, chopping a slow roller back to CC and the game is over. It will be Yankees and Tigers in the ALCS. Most annoying thing about a Yankee win? Undoubtedly, the playing of Sinatra’s version of ‘New York, New York’. To repeat, we get it. You’re in New York, it’s a great town, we all love it.
On that note, I definitely have carpal tunnel now, but will soldier ahead for Game 5 of Cardinals at Nationals.
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