Back in Black (and pinstripes) – The Live Yankees-Orioles and Nats-Card blog and Semi Catch-up Diary
It’s good to be back. After jet-setting all over Europe and Australia for 6 months for work and pleasure, it’s time to hop back on this roller coaster. For the first time, I managed to take home a fantasy baseball crown, as the Yoenis Brothers won the two week championship match on a tie breaker. I had never won before, in any sport, and this one felt good. Popping some bubbly and a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue in honor of me and my superior drafting ability.
The election and campaigning is in full swing since its October, though I would rather not get into that now, without being drunk. The Steelers are currently 2-3, after falling to the Titans (Titan Up!) 26-23 this past Thursday, and it might behoove them to go about 5-11 this year and get a top 12 draft pick. Though I am sure they will get healthy and make a run to 10-6 and slip in to the playoffs as a wildcard. That’s just what they do.
The MLB playoffs are in full swing as well. Since tonight there are two series ending games and I have not watched one game yet in the playoffs, much less a nine inning game, I thought this would be an opportunity to watch America’s Team, the Yankees, in their rubber match with the Baltimore Orioles for the right to go to the AL Championship Series, and then Nats-Cardinals in the night cap to go to the NL Championship Series. While I would like to see the Yanks lose, I don’t really want to see the O’s win, as then it calls into question why the Pirates have sucked for 20 consecutive losing seasons (note: that is not a misprint or typo). So, let’s see how this game plays out.
We’ll pick it up in the bottom of the 1st inning, with everyone’s favorite shortstop leading off, Derek Jeter, who is the most overrated shortstop to play the game in the modern era, in my humble opinion. Consistency means something, but he has never been the best shortstop in MLB in his career. I have gotten into arguments over Jeter’s legacy. Is he great? Yes. Is he a Hall of Famer? No doubt. Everyone needs to just get out of his ass. If he doesn’t play in New York, I can’t possibly have this complaint since he wouldn’t get half as much pub as he currently gets. Oh and look at that. Jeter works the count full, and then takes strike three.
Jason Hammel on the hill for Baltimore tonight, with Ichiro up next. Hammel pitched for some time in Colorado, so the move out of Coors Field lowered his ERA to just under 5. Yeah, he is pretty bad. I should automatically like Ichiro since he wears #31, since that was also Reggie Miller’s number for the Pacers back in the day, and he might be my favorite hoops player ever. A soft grounder to second for out number 2. Robby Cano up next. He is the best 2nd baseman in the game right now, and is up for a new contract. Easily, he’ll get 7 years, $140 million. Excuse me, I need to puke now. Cano absolutely murders a ball down the right field line, just foul. Someone got a well-earned souvenir. Soft grounder to first, end of the inning. Due up, Davis, Wieters and my homeboy Manny Machado (who helped lead me to fantasy glory).
By the way, the announcer is Ernie Johnson, whose primary sport is NBA basketball. It’s weird. CC Sabathia on the hill for the Yankees. He is looking a very svelte 500 pounds. Davis taps a roller down the first base line for out number one. I have no idea what CC stands for. Matt Wieters, a stud catcher who the Pirates could have drafted instead of Danny Moskos, a relief pitcher no longer with the organization, steps in and quickly falls behind 1-2. Wicked slider punches out Wieters. It really annoys me that CC wears his cap off center. I know, I know, he’s an individual, let him do what he wants. Manny Machado takes his shot now. I don’t know who the color commentator is, but he is terrible. Machado down on strikes. To the bottom of the second we go. Teixeira, Ibanez (Game 3’s hero) and Nick Swisher due up for the Yanks in the bottom half of the second.
On a fantasy note, Mark Teixeira is one of the most overrated first basemen out there. There I said it. Ground out to Machado at third, one down. Easy play for the kid, who is yet another high draft pick the Pirates could have had. Former Phillie and Mariner Raul Ibanez steps in, looking to repeat his magic from Game 3, but quickly pops up to Adam ‘I’m Not Pac Man’ Jones in center field. Nick Swisher is currently engaged to actress/general hottie Joanna Garcia. I think it pays more than money to be a professional baseball playa (spelling intentional). Hammel takes care of Swisher with another K.
Top of the third will bring up Mark Reynolds. Every time I see major league pitching, I really feel that I could hit it. Maybe not CC, but a soft tosser like Jamie Moyer or Jordan Zimmerman. Reynolds, by the way, holds the single season strikeout record for a batter. That is pretty impressive, at the least. He hacks like nobody in the business. Reynolds is having a great at bat and has worked the count full, making CC throw 10+ pitches, though predictably, he strikes out. He wasn’t even close to contact on that one. Here comes DH Lew Ford, who I have never heard of. The fact that the DH’s name is ‘Lew Ford’ does not bode well for the O’s. He sounds like a car salesman or crooner. We quickly learn thanks to Ernie Johnson why Ford is in the lineup: he has homered twice in his career off of our man CC. CC is working the outer half of the plate as he should, since he is a power pitcher and he should come inside to finish Ford off. Ford pops up to Ichiro in left field for the second out. Let’s see if Robert Andino can bring the pain. My guess? No. He is the #9 hitter for a reason, and Buck Showwalter, the O’s manager, is no dummy. However, Andino is a career .360 hitter when facing CC, but pops to right field to end the top of the third.
Due up for the Yankees is Granderson, Russell Martin and A-Rod’s replacement in the lineup tonight, the oft-injured Eric Chavez. Curtis Granderson hit 43 home runs in the regular season while hitting .232, which is amazing to me. Hammel has a great curve ball and he is using it quite often in the early going. Grandy Man flies to Chris Davis in right field. Catcher Russell Martin clocks one out to our man Not Pac Man Jones for out number two. Chavez can’t stay healthy, he’s getting old and he can’t hit for anything but power. Another fly out to Adam Jones. Nine up and nine down for both CC and Hammel through three innings. Here comes former Pirate Nate McLouth. He was hitting .140 this season with the Bucs before they released him, and now he is starring in the ALDS. And of course, he singles to left and represents the first hit for either team. Nice piece of hitting in taking the gas the other way. JJ Hardy, the shortstop, steps up, and promptly pops out the right field. Here comes Not Pac Man Jones, who had an absolute break out year, about 3 years after it was expected. Jones rips it to the gap, but Granderson tracks it down for the second out. Jones is now 2-21 in the series, only slightly worse that A-Rod’s 2-16 number, which earned him a seat on the bench. Chris Davis is up, looking for a big two out hit. McLouth steals second. Nate must say his prayers every night, going from the outhouse to the penthouse, and having nothing to do with it. On a side note, one of my co-workers is at this game. Davis staying alive with foul balls, on some tough pitches to hit as well. Good job stretching out the pitch count. Davis then pops up to center field.
The sitcom ‘Cougartown’ got booted off ABC and TBS picked it up. Remarkably, Courtney Cox looks better now than she did 15 years ago on ‘Friends’. Guess what? I am still not watching. Jeter steps in, likely to make another out. Color commentator: Jeter is not done with 2 strikes. I know, he still has one more strike to go! Oh and guess what, another Jeter K. Did Buck Showwalter just call himself ‘Captain Obvious’ in a between innings interview? Someone needs to stay off of Urban Dictionary or any show on Nickelodeon. Ichiro will take his hacks now and promptly grounds to Andino at second base. Ernie reminds us that the O’s and Yanks have been neck and neck since about the All Star break, and in fact are an even 11-11 against each other this year. Robby Cano, next up. Hammel is firing darts tonight and appears totally in control of where he is throwing the ball, contrary to any of his previous MLB experience. If the O’s win this game, his performance thus far will be a big part of it. Cano takes strike three right down the pipe. Bad one to strike out on when if he puts a bat on it, it likely leaves the yard, but it looked like he was expecting junk, something off speed. Here come the Orioles!
Matt Wieters upcoming for the O’s, and is 2-18 in the series. Great pitching or horrible hitting? Probably somewhere in the middle. Weiters is working CC nicely in this at bat and CC walks him on 5 pitches. Manger interviews are so useless, just like sideline reporters in college and pro football. The Kid, Manny Machado, is ready to mash. On a side note, A-Rod was benched for this game, which personally I think was an enormous mistake. One way or another, I think he gets a hit in this game that means something. Machado pops up to Cano at second base. Mark Reynolds then lasers one up the middle that may or may not have ricocheted off of CC, and Cano picks it up for the 4-3 double play to end the top half of the fifth. I am so glad I don’t watch commercials, because they all appear to suck.
Teixeira leading it off for the Yanks in the bottom of the fifth. The shift is on in the infield. Does this ever work? Can we get some statistical data on this? I am not sure it even matters. Tex crushes one to right field and it falls in for a single and the first Yankee hit. The shift matters not. Ibanez looking for yet another clutch hit. He’s only in the lineup because he bats left handed, not because he killed it in the regular season. Surprisingly, Tex steals second, as the O’s were not holding him on first. Hundred bucks says Ibanez singles in Tex right now. Baseball managers are the most overrated and useless coaches in all of sports, right next to caddies. Ibanez is working over Hammel here as well, it’s been a very long at bat and the count stands at 3-2. Mr. Joanna Garcia stands on deck. Predictably, Ibanez knocks in Tex with a single up the middle. 1-0 Yankees and you owe me $100. Good thing the Phillies let him go as a free agent. Still no outs on the board yet, and Swisher steps in. Hammel, by the way, looks no older than a high school sophomore. Swisher grounds into a life-saving 6-4-3 double play. Quote from color commentator: ‘I am going to say that is a huge play in this game.’ To quote previously Buck Showwalter, thank you Captain Obvious. I think anyone with a cursory knowledge of baseball could do these guys jobs, and be just as good if not better. Ever heard Tim McCarver for nine innings? Your ears will bleed before it’s over and there is a chance you may go insane from the stupid commentary that T-Mac delivers. Nevertheless, the bases are empty with two out in the bottom of the fifth inning. The Grandy Man comes up hacking at the first pitch he sees. Granderson, on the second pitch, lines a single to right field. Good for him! He is now 2-18 in the series. And we just learned that Justin Verlander, who pitched a 4-hit shutout against Oakland last night to advance the Tigers to the ALCS, is dating SI Swimsuit Issue cover model and ‘actress’ Kate Upton. I am not sure which is the bigger accomplishment for Verlander, but now, I respect him. Granderson swipes second. Tough pitch for Wieters to come up throwing on. Was not even close. Martin flies out to Jones in center field, and the Orioles will get a crack to tie the game up.
Look, I like New York as a city just fine, but can we all just agree that it’s cool and move on? Every movie and sitcom is set there, the NFL awarded a Super Bowl to the NY franchises (NY in the middle of February, the fans will love that) and there are enough anthems about the city to fill an iPod (any size memory of your choosing). We all get it, there’s no place like it. It’s been about enough already. Ok, top of the sixth, and everyone’s favorite DH Lew Ford steps in. Ford smokes one right at Tex at first base and he scoops it up for a 3-unassisted out. Robert Andino is good enough to play for the Pirates, Royals, Padres, Rockies, most Double A teams and my high school team, the Hopewell Vikings. Why he is getting crucial at bats in the playoffs is beyond me. Wasting little time, Andino flies out to Swisher in right field. I have just learned that John Smoltz is one of the announcers and he is pretty good. The other one stinks though, and his identity is yet to be revealed, and probably for good reason. Nate McLouth, we hardly knew you, and he has the only Oriole base knock in the game. Mark Reynolds looks like a friend of mine’s younger brother. Spitting image, it’s scary. Nasty Nate absolutely tees off on a fastball down the right field line towards the foul pole, and it’s called foul. Let’s go to the replay and delay this game 15 minutes. The umpiring crew will review that play, though from the replay, it appears as if the ball hit the foul pole. No clear call here, so we’ll see what the umps come back with. While they are reviewing the play, the Yankee PA system is pumping out ‘Moves Like Jagger’ by immortal, prototypical 2000’s band Maroon 5. Oy vie. The ghosts of Mantle, DiMaggio, Ruth and John Wetteland do not approve. I think the O’s got hosed, as they stick with the original call of foul ball. Predictably, Nasty Nate goes down on strikes on the next pitch, a nasty slider from our boy CC. On to the bottom of the sixth. CC has a one hitter going.
Eric Chavez steps up. This should be A-Rod. At the least, pitchers have to respect him and don’t go right after him like Chavez, who just went down on strikes on three pitches. McLouth rocks the straight bill on his hat? Who knew? Mr. November Derek Jeter steps up to strike out again, though he is 8-21 in this series, so he deserves credit for that. So Verlander (always say his name like Zoolander) is dating Kate Upton, who is approximately 19 years old. JV is 29 years old. How did that go over with Mr. and Mrs. Upton? I mean, 10 years man! 10 years! That’s a lot of ‘experience’ that Kate just doesn’t have. Jeter walks, and former Mariner stud and hero Ichiro will try to push Jeter across, and does so with a double to the right center field gap. Good night Jason Hammel, you done well, son, you done well (considering how bad your career numbers are). Oh wait, Buck leaves him in to face Cano. I am not sure about this. Cano seems like he is due to pop one. Marvcus Patton, I mean, Troy Patton warming in the bullpen (Marvcus Patton was a linebacker for the Redskins back in the 90s, and has the greatest first name ever. Like his parents could not decide between ‘Marvin’ and ‘Marcus’. This can be done with other names as well I am sure. Let me think about this.). Cano is hacking. He clearly wants to hit it out of the bandbox that is Yankee Stadium. Instead, he watches strike three across the top of the strike zone. Beautiful pitch by Hammel. Tex will be intentionally walked to face Mr. Clutch, Raul Ibanez. Captain Obvious comes out of the dugout and they will turn to lefty Troy (Marvcus) Patton to induce the third out. (Much like the word ‘ensuing’, which can only be used to describe kickoffs in football, ‘induce’ is used in only two logical places: inducing labor to have a baby, and inducing a double play in baseball.) A-Rod! A-Rod! A-Rod! Will there be a better time to pinch hit A-Rod than now? Craig Sager, best sport coats ever. Period. End of discussion. Ibanez rips one barely foul. Game over if that is fair. Raul down on strikes, swinging thankfully. No hitter should ever go down looking. Since there are two strikes, you need to be protecting the plate. Duh. On to the seventh inning, and CC remains on the hill.
Hardy to lead things off and he immediately directs one to Cano for out number one. Not Pac Man is up next, and he has gained a reputation for chewing lots and lots of bubble gum. C’mon, be a major leaguer and chew tobacco. Even the players’ wives do it (source: ‘The Naked Gun’). Jones is down on strikes in three pitches. Ernie Johnson: ‘Sabathia made him look bad.’ And I could not agree more. Chris Davis pops up harmlessly to the Grandy Man and we head to the bottom of the seventh.
As a general rule, I do not care for Bruce Springsteen or Pearl Jam. Now that MLB has made a Bruce song its theme of the playoffs, I will be fast forwarding through this. TBS finally decides to let us know that the other color analyst is Cal Ripken, who has been less than impressive with his effort tonight. He just doesn’t seem all that seasoned at the announcing gig. Swisher to lead things off for the Yankees. Stop showing Mariano Rivera! He had a serious knee injury and will not pitch tonight. Mr. Garcia (Nick Swisher) flips to the right side to face Marvcus, I mean, Troy Patton. Swisher has some serious eye black on tonight. Not in the neighborhood of boy wonder Bryce Harper, but impressive nonetheless. Swisher is out on three pitches. Patton busted him inside and Nicky had no chance. Granderson has been terrible in this series. Really earning that paycheck, big fella. On cue, Granderson crushes one into the right field bleachers, to make the score 3-0 Yankees. Russell Martin should just end this inning asap. The Orioles have one hit. A comeback is about 0.0001% likely at this point. But that is why they play the game, and you PLAY TO WIN THE GAME. –H. Edwards. Martin grounds out to My Boy Manny Machado for the second out. It’s enough with Eric Chavez already. He strikes out on five pitches. More Bruce to take us to the eighth inning.
My only question now is if CC will close out this game or they will replace him. CC is out there for the eighth, against Matt Wieters, who immediately singles to left. It only took 7 full innings to get two hits! My Boy Manny Machado has a chance to do some damage here. Smoltz makes a great point. O’s hitters have gotten to 2-0 counts several times in the game against CC and have refused to unload on an obvious strike (that could be hit out of the ball park) on the third pitch since they are trying to increase CC’s pitch count. My Boy Manny Machado works a walk, and it’s now first and second, nobody out, with noted power hitter/strike out artist Mark Reynolds walking to the dish, and not surprisingly, is hacking right away. CC is having trouble throwing strikes in this inning. This has to be his last hitter, unless there is a double play of some sort. He has thrown a ton of pitches to this point. Reynolds hacks at the 3-1 and fouls it back. It was right down Broadway and he just missed it. A game of inches. Huge pitch as CC comes at him with a change up for a swinging strike three. Nice job by our boy CC. The immortal Lew Ford is next up. And of course, on cue, the immortal Lew Ford singles to left to bring in Wieters from second base, 3-1 Yankees, and….GOOD GOD, is that Robert Andino’s music???? Boy, could the O’s really use Nick Markakis at the moment (or anyone else not named Andino), but he is injured and out for the playoffs. CC is hitting his spots against Andino and has him 1-2. Bob Andino chops one just past the pitchers’ mound, CC fields it then fires to second but the immortal Lew Ford beats the throw. Bases loaded with Orioles for everyone’s favorite Pirate castoff, Nasty Nate McLouth. Ernie Johnson sounds nervous. Admittedly, I am a bit so as well. CC is laboring now and looks frustrated, but comes back to strike out Nate. Nothing makes me happier than upset Yankee fans. They don’t know what it’s like to cheer for a loser. Up to the plate is JJ Hardy, bases still loaded, and CC is up to 108 pitches. He is done after Hardy, whether he gets him out or lets up a hit. Hardy looks over matched in this at bat and the count sits at 1-2. Hardy chops a slow roller to Jeter who makes a really nice play (one he has made a million times by the way) and CC is out of a big time jam.
Enter Pedro Strop for the Orioles. Baltimore had a shutdown bullpen in the regular season, so it’s no surprise to see them doing it now in the playoffs. Jeter leads it off in the bottom of the eighth and weakly grounds out to Bob Andino at second base. That’s just what future Hall of Famers do: ground out weakly in big spots. Ripken just said that Mark Reynolds has ‘good legs’. Is he talking about Kate Upton or Reynolds? Uh, gross. Ichiro, who has a massive porn collection, no wait, that is Hideki Matsui, former Yankee, will hit now and walks for the first base runner of the inning. Captain Obvious pays a visit to the mound. Talented pitcher/noted bust Brian Matusz will take his turn on the hill in a relief role. On one pitch, Matusz induces a double play and we go to the ninth inning.
CC stays on the hill to finish the job and face Not Pac Man, Chris Davis and Matt Wieters. I bet Jones’ dentist makes a killing off of him from all the bubble gum he chews. Jones pops it to left where defensive sub Brett Gardner makes the grab for out number one. The Yankees are 92-0 in the post season when leading after eight innings. That’s great, but it has absolutely no bearing on tonight. Chris Davis is hacking and falls behind 0-2. Davis strikes out on a pitch that would have gone over the Empire State Building, it was that high out of the strike zone. Wieters will try to extend the Orioles’ season. And he fails, chopping a slow roller back to CC and the game is over. It will be Yankees and Tigers in the ALCS. Most annoying thing about a Yankee win? Undoubtedly, the playing of Sinatra’s version of ‘New York, New York’. To repeat, we get it. You’re in New York, it’s a great town, we all love it.
On that note, I definitely have carpal tunnel now, but will soldier ahead for Game 5 of Cardinals at Nationals.
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